The catcher in the rye

 

 

 

 

 

如果真有命运一说，我这一辈子就将会是这样吗？太阳白羊，月亮射手，居然真有射手的成分。跟这个星座的关系真不知道怎么去说好。有些错一犯再犯，难道是星座出的错！记得当年叶子说过一句很粗俗的话“狗改不了吃屎”，虽然很不雅，但很中听。不过她老人家现在从良了。

这些所谓的宿命的说说，要是对号入座的话，可能都能扯上点关系。但是我还是相信命运在自己手中。管TMD某某对你指指点点，有本事换个位来坐坐！

“人是复杂的动物，需要朋友的话就养条狗”——这是今天看电影收获到的一句话，大概是这个意思。这是一个不管结局如何，都是一个曾经辉煌的人物，他的成功哲理真是够我受用的。我需要一点冷血的成分。所谓正直正义忠诚热心，也不知道有什么用！妈妈做了一辈子好人，也苦了大半辈，GOD要是真管用，也给使点灵。你要是爱你的子女，就要给点表示！我们都不是贪心的人——据说你乐于给予！

 

 

 

 

I haven't stepped out my room for 2 days and if  the food in the refrigerator is enough to feed me  more days, if my head didn't call me and ask me to go back work, if there are not any paperwork pileing up and waiting for me , if my 27th birday can be delayed some days, I can stay home for longer.  Is it the season to be away from people coming ?   I just need a quite place and a peaceful mind and some fresh air if possible.

 

All the paperwork for the aupair program drives me crazy. Comparing to the paperwork I did for the RN program, this is a piece of cake. BUT it still takes me years to get them done. I have to say my mind is fucking mess. Even I know I should do the FIRST thing first, it is just too hard to neglect  all the obstacle around. Nora told me that when she worked for the UK goverment before, many people just gave up their potential better future for the damn  paperworks.  All the things seem to be easy for those who are out of the game.  They never know whatever you have to suffer and they are good at giving advice and judgement.  Anyway, I don't care about all  that.

 

I read some scandal about many governers moved common propertyfor to their personal accounts and how they take the advantages of their position to "buy" beautiful woman , by which way to show their power. People who are confused about their original desire and the moral can do things out of control. A friend from the net said People have more time to think about the sexual desire after solving the hungery problem, which may be a higher level desire of human being.  I think the world is going crazy.

 

I am crazy in some way. I have never thought I would get involved into this situation. But it happened. Some have given me suggestions but I took no one. Because no one can understand your situation except myself. I turn to the GOD.

今天过节，给自己买了双很Lovely 的红鞋子。好开心噢！

 

 

离上一次搬家还不到4个月，我又搬了。记得刚搬来这边的时候，我还对自己说，这次起码住上半年以上。而每一次搬家，我都希望那是我出嫁或者出国或者买房前的最后一次搬迁。但毕业4年，搬了5次，换了6个地方，我还是不知道下一站是在哪里。这次的搬家比较正式，一下子跟房东签下了一年的合同，而这次是正式一个人住了，我有了自己的单身公寓，希望这次我能认认真真踏踏实实工作，生活……

 

 

上个月底去了上海一趟，那个大都市给我最大的印象就是：果然是国际金融中心！站在东方明珠上看到黄浦江对岸的建筑，多是银行或者保险公司。而在底部的城市历史发展陈列馆，更是令我感受了老上海的繁华，原来在当年，钱庄，当铺，证券，保险公司已经到处可现。难怪人家上海本土人在外人印象中有精明，势利，目中无人。人家就是有那孤高的本钱！
但是，有一方面，却令我很觉得不解的是：上海服务业跟其金融经济发展却接不上轨。也许我只是瞥见一狭窄的一面吧：那天我下了地铁，准备打的去酒店。在地铁口停满了的士和承载摩托。我问了几个司机，居然没有一个人知道我的目的地怎么去。第一个：***酒店？不知道。第二个：不知道！第三个，第四个……：不知道！第六个：你知道怎么去吗？ 真是屁话！我反问：你不是司机吗？司机说：我是司机啊，但我不知道怎么去！……接着，一脸冷漠的。我当时真是晕死了。真怀疑那地方是传闻中的大都市上海！但没办法了，可能是因为巧合刚好问到了几个白痴司机吧。然后就拉着行李走出地铁口拐出大马路，再问了几个司机才问到一个稍微专业点的。车上我跟司机有些互动对话，对方是本地人，有些口音我难以习惯，反应也比较慢。但一路印象都很不爽。后来我问了上海的朋友，她们自己也说：很多上海司机都是路盲……司机作为一种人文窗口服务业，我真搞不懂那样的国际级大都市会是这样的服务质量！
这次我只在上海呆了不到4天，真正游逛不到1天，在朋友的导游下，有限的时间内，几乎去了该去的地方了。后来有再多的时间，我却不愿意再深入的了解这城市了。喜欢旅游的我，第一次这么快就对一个陌生的地方放弃了好奇。

我又陷入困境，陷在这种瓶颈状态，很难受。

People around our country mourned for the earthquake disaster. I can't help crying even by a single glance at the tragic pictures of people, who were trapped during the quakes. The idea of being a volunteer and being sent to the disaster area to help people out came strongly. I was a nurse, who has the reputation as an Angel Guard of people. Even I may not have the ability to fix everyone. I definitely have the capability and responsibility to have compassion for them.

 

It was the International Nurse's day when this disaster happened. That morning a friend sent me regards  for this special day. I said I am not a nurse anymore. Someone asked me whether I missed those days being a nurse. It is definitely yes. I cherished what I have experienced in that period. I have to say the night shifts once drove me crazy. However, the happiness feeling of saving sick people from dying is unreplaceble. There is more to a nurse's profession than beeps and clicks, procedures and results. They are the Angle Guard of people who need care about, who make them comfortable, to be their advocate, and to be the person who comes into their room and make them feel like a human beings.

 

However, there is more than one way to help people out. I can also do things good to people as a life planner, whose mission is to care for people's financial health instead of physical health. Someone might wonder what insurance can do when people become badly sick or die. It is true that money can not take the place of a dying life, but it can help the other families out from their financial crisis, which may come after the lose of the family member, who once mainly earned a living in a family. It is reported that not many families have got benefit from insurance during these disaster because a few of people were covered by insurance. I have to say there is more to a life planner than selling and persuading, money management and investment. It is about love and care, responsibility.

 

Anyway, It is not a matter of what the career is but how our human nature is. Judging from the number of money we people have donated and the full blood bank, our nation is a united  and strong one. We will get through all these disaster and have a bright future.

……

Carrie said Religion is a journal but not a destination. I am on the way of pursuiting something purely true in my life. Growing up under the background of worshipping the Buddhism, I have no idea about what the Buddhism is and just perform what the adults asked me to do. I think most peers do this as me. As I knew about the world more and more and got to realize there are more than one idols on the earth that we can lean on. We celebrate the Christmas and Easter as the foreigners do even thought we have been traditionally educated to follow the Buddhism. To the one who is not so faithful to religion, all the ritual meaningless.

 

Yanzi spreads her believe on God to me and sent me some books about how realistic the God is. I am too rational to believe it easily. I respect her religion and faith. She turn to the God after she broke up with her ex-boyfriend, who had baddly lovely her once.  She said she was almost drown that time until she met God. How imagine the religion is. Now everything in her life is about Jesus.

 

When I feel helpless or meet some obstacle, I wonder if there is someone powerful, supernatural that can deal with things for me.  Yanzi said if I am faithful enough, God will help me. I can't do it as she does.